Semi-Sweet

My almost-7-year-old officially turned 7. This has been an emotional year. Not just because COVID-19 has changed the way we live and BLM will hopefully change the way we treat others, but also because I turned 37 and feel fucking old for the first time, and my baby turned 7. This one hit me fore some reason; I mean, he’s practically a man!

Jacoby announced he wanted to start putting himself to bed because it’s time to grow up. He’s done it a few times now, and while I welcome the new free time (bedtime can be a bitch), I’m sad knowing this is the beginning of the end. I’m an emotional person, but not overly sentimental…but this one stings.

I’ll take bedtime snuggles for as long as I can get them, but his 7-year-old attitude is a different story. His ‘tude seems to grow a little bit bigger each year, and lately, quite frankly, he’s been a dick.

My husband and I were both raised to respect adults—parents, teachers, coaches, you name it. I grew up deathly afraid of what might happen if I didn’t. Unless it was a creepy guy in a van offering free candy [side note, was this the only safety threat our parents had to worry about when raising us?!], every adult I encountered deserved respect.

Jacoby is a good student listens to his coaches, but that’s pretty much it. He tolerates some adults, is indifferent to most, and is just fucking rude to his parents. Don’t get me wrong, he loves his family (I think), but lately, his attitude is driving me absolutely bonkers.

We have a small yard, and to save some essential real estate, instead of a swing set, Jacoby got a slack line obstacle course for his 7th birthday. It’s pretty cool. It’s strung up between two trees and it includes a swing, a trapeze bar, some rings, a ladder and a knotted rope. Saying he loves it is a total understatement. He wakes up and goes right outside to practice the rings and do flips on the bar. He swings (while humming), and instead of the tree he used to climb, he now likes to climb the ladder and sit on one of the rungs looking out over his domain (the back yard).

Because of his big-dick-attitude, we’ve taken the slack down twice since it went up. This requires getting a ladder, climbing said ladder, and trying to remember how the stupid ratchet works until it releases and everything comes crashing to the ground. Both times were after terrible fits over absolutely nothing. Knowing he loves that nylon line more than anything right now, I threatened it would happen…and he rolled his eyes and said he didn’t believe me. Well, I don’t fucking bluff.

He was devastated and thankfully worked hard both times to earn it back. (I’m not a monster; it was literally the next day people). The problem here is when bribed, he has no problem behaving the way I expect my semi-sweet-7-year-old to act. This unfortunately means that he acts the way he does mostly by choice. I don’t think I have outlandish expectations (in fact, the bar is pretty low), and I understand being over-tired can make us all a little crazy. I get that being 7 during a pandemic isn’t easy, but to be fair, being 37 during a pandemic isn’t either.