Tickling Tongues

It’s fitting that on the heels of Valentine’s Day, Jacoby should ask me about kissing…and more specifically if me and Daddy tickle tongues.

I’m not going to lie, this one caught me off guard (I think it was his verb choice) and my abrupt response was “ewww, no!” (I also immediately questioned what the fuck he’s been watching lately, but let’s be honest, who actually knows what their kids are watching these days)? He proceeded to tell me in his most matter-of-fact voice that he’s seen us open-mouth kiss like they do in movies and was just wondering if 1. our tongues tickle each other and 2. If we’re afraid of germs.

Well, fuck me. Leave it to our child to ask a very reasonable question and then catch me lying straight to his face.

Don’t get me wrong, I lie to my son ALL the time: “you’re not allowed to do [insert anything] until your older…it’s the law”; “Oh, too bad…the arcade is closed forever due to COVID”; “I would never eat the last cookie…it must have been Daddy”; etc. However, as much as I think lying is a large part of parenting, I do also believe that avoiding certain topics altogether will ultimately do more harm than good. Sex was openly talked about in my family (my French grandmother was quite risqué), and I counter that with my husband’s devout Catholic upbringing and I honestly prefer the former—within reason, of course. [Side note: Grandmama crossed all the lines]. Children are naturally curious about every-fucking-thing, and I want Jacoby to be able to come to us for truthful answers.  

So, I swallowed hard and we had a little chat about adult-only kissing. I explained that grown-ups who are in love sometimes kiss like that…and that “tickle” is the wrong word (I still haven’t come up with the correct one). Also, because we’re married—and already share things like ice cream cones—we’re not afraid of germs. Not bad, huh?! He seemed satisfied with my answer and went right back to building his Legos. Thank fucking God.

I start to sweat profusely just thinking about all the future awkward conversations that lie ahead for us, but I do hope he continues to ask his questions. I also hope he recognizes that his parents have been together for nearly 20 years and still very much love each other—tickling tongues and all.