384 Days

Over a year ago the world shut down. (Yes, I wanted to publish this on 3/13/21 to make it exactly one year, but you shouldn’t be too surprised that I’m more than fashionably late). I have literally spent so much (quality?) time with my husband and son in the last 384 days that I yearn for nothing other than to be alone. (We have one bathroom, so even that’s not much of a safe place).

I do miss my nights at the gym and drinks with friends, but I also miss my commute into the office because it was perfectly peaceful. Counter that with “Mom…”, “Mom…”, “Mom…” all fucking day long for the longest year ever and a girl could just about go crazy.

Despite my flare for the dramatic, it hasn’t been all bad. I mean, it definitely could have been worse. I’m thankful the three of us survived (in close quarters) and I count us lucky to still be happily married (and with no COVID babies here!)! Seriously though, our bonds have grown stronger, our priorities seem to be in check, and our perspectives have been rebalanced…all thanks to COVID and the overall shit year that 2020 was.

The last year plus 18 days have been both suffocating and yet so freeing. It’s hard to explain. Am I alone?! I want out of this GD routine, but am also enjoying it and life’s newfound simplicities. We walk the neighborhood, cook dinners together, play boardgames and actually still enjoy each other’s company. It’s a total mind fuck. I want it to end and also hope it doesn’t.

Well, like it or not (obviously I’m quite confused on the matter), things are starting to shift. Jacoby will finally be going back to full-time, in-school learning in a couple of weeks—and don’t get me wrong, I can’t fucking wait—but I’m also realizing that after about 10 months of remote and/or hybrid schooling, I’m actually going to miss the little bugger. To be clear, the endless snacks and interruptions will not be missed, but the small moments we share throughout the day most definitely will be.

Despite wanting to often find a small closet to hide in to be alone, I’m going to try and be more present and enjoy my roommates while I can. After all, they’re not that bad…a little needy [more to come on that another time], but we all still love each other after 384 Days…and that’s saying something!